my life is awesome.

[Ellie, one of my cats (obvi), jumps over to me on the couch and rubs her head all over the book I'm reading.]

Me: "Ellie, you know what? I'm reading here. I am not going to pet you right now."

[Ellie purrs and continues rubbing her face on my book.]

Me: "Everything is not about you, okay? Right now, I'm reading and I want to keep doing that. So, sorry."

[Ellie meows loudly and looks at me.]

Me: "I mean, do you ever wake up and say, 'Hey Jenna, do you maybe want to be scratched on your face or on your head?' Which I know you know I like. [Pause while Ellie keeps purring, loudly.] No, you have never done that once. Not ever."

why cats are okay now

I've hated cats for most of my life (not to be confused with puppies dressed as cats... because who could hate them?). I think this was probably because when I was young my neighbors had a super mean cat. We would have to go over and feed it when they were away on vacation and it once sliced open my dad's hand. Ungrateful bastard. After that, my brothers developed a system of throwing treats into the basement to lure it away while they opened the cat food. I mostly just remember being terrified. My fear turned into hatred and I have spent my life as a "dog person."

The unexpected happened about five years ago when my girlfriend's roommate brought home a tiny motherless kitten. Overwhelmed by cuteness, I opened my heart to Elizabeth Flapjack Bennet. Almost immediately thereafter, she climbed up my body with her tiny claws and bit my face. Somehow, I did not murder her (and I still haven't, though she continues to pull shit like that). Flashforward to now- I share a home with both Flapjack and her sister Elinor Ellie Dr. Pajamacat Dashwood.

Though occasionally I want to somehow remove Ellie's meowing capabilities and end Flapjack's life, I love them. Here are some of the top reasons why:

1) We have never had mice. If you know me, you know how important this fact is to me.

2) Yesterday morning, I unsuccessfully tried to kill a small fly. A moment later, Flapjack came and snatched it out of thin air, batted it around a bit and then ate it. ATE. IT. What a fucking badass.

3) Flapjack stopped growing after a few months and still looks like an adorable kitten pretty much all the time.
3b) She lets me lift her up like Simba and sing Circle of Life.

4) Ellie literally purrs if any person looks at her or gets close to her.

5) Ellie has really cute spots.

There are probably other reasons, but I'm going to cut if off here in an attempt to not look like a total crazy cat lady.

Also, this tumblr my boss made.