where do we go from here?*

Yesterday was my day off from work and I spent it on the couch, feeling down and crappy. I finished watching Party Down (which was great, btw). This is fairly sad considering to finish watching the series, I watched about one and half seasons yesterday.

Anyway, I found myself relating way too much with most of the characters. Though they are struggling actors and I'm a struggling graphic designer, the sentiment is pretty much the same. When the fuck is someone going to say yes instead of no? Am I actually good enough to do this? Should I keep blindly or stubbornly trying to "make it?" I guess it kind of brought to a head all the frustration and anger and sadness I've been feeling (or, more accurately, trying to ignore) lately about my "career."

Well, I don't want to drop any spoilers here, but I will say that the series finale had kind of an open-ended finish that I'm choosing to view in a positive way. So, this morning I went to work when it was still dark out with a slightly better-than-usual attitude. And when I got home, I decided to go for a run (instead of putting it off as I have been lately).

I had probably my best run since I've recovered (more or less) from my foot injury (stress fracture? who knows). I didn't stop or slow down at all and I pushed myself to speed up at the end even though I didn't have much left. The weather was amazing (is it really almost February?) and I was feeling pretty great when I walked home to cool down. To top it all off, I was greeted by an email when I got home proclaiming that I had set a personal milestone for distance. (To be fair, this is only because I just started using a running app for my iPhone, so it was my first recorded run. I literally could have run .25 miles and it would have sent me the same email. Whatever, it was inspirational.)

I'm not really sure what this semi-rambling post is aiming at. Do I think that I've turned a corner and am all of a sudden going to get a super fulfilling job? Mmm, that'd be awesome, but no, not really. I guess I just feel like trying harder than I have in a while and, just maybe, attempting to not get so discouraged by every setback.


*Yeah, this post title is a song from the Buffy musical, so what?

my life is awesome.

[Ellie, one of my cats (obvi), jumps over to me on the couch and rubs her head all over the book I'm reading.]

Me: "Ellie, you know what? I'm reading here. I am not going to pet you right now."

[Ellie purrs and continues rubbing her face on my book.]

Me: "Everything is not about you, okay? Right now, I'm reading and I want to keep doing that. So, sorry."

[Ellie meows loudly and looks at me.]

Me: "I mean, do you ever wake up and say, 'Hey Jenna, do you maybe want to be scratched on your face or on your head?' Which I know you know I like. [Pause while Ellie keeps purring, loudly.] No, you have never done that once. Not ever."